I’ve given myself a good amount of time. I’ve spent about 2 weeks saying ‘screw it’ to a lot of the important health choices I had previously been able to make. I ate whatever junk I felt like eating, and I went on a total of 2 runs in those 2 weeks. Not good for someone who is supposed to run her first half marathon in October.
(The good news is that during that time I had the chance to try cronuts. I’ll never regret that choice.)
When I really work to understand it, I can see that my ‘screw it’ attitude has basically been a giant ‘screw you’ to my body. I’ve been pretty angry at it. In my defense, it’s being kind of an a-hole. If someone else was attacking my brain tissue, I would be pretty pissed at her, too.
I don’t feel like I’m fully done with being mad at my body yet, but I think it’s time to breathe and remember that I can still have some control. Every choice I make about how I treat my body might teach my body how to treat my nervous system. It reminds me of a time when I was an aide at a preschool and I had to spend some time teaching 2-year-olds how gentle touch was different from hitting and striking. Nice, slow hands can show kindness and friendship.
Okay, body, I will make you a green smoothie tomorrow. Nice, gentle strokes. When you’re happy again, have a talk with my immune system, won’t you?
So back to today and what it is bringing with it. I jumped back into running. I fulfilled my training program’s suggestion of 4 miles, and I am just going to forgive the fact that I had to have 2 walking breaks. And I am going back to focusing on a diet that is centered around whole foods. And I will again take the steps to cut out gluten, dairy, and refined sugars.
And in the next 15 minutes, I will not jump up and bolt. I will not try to escape out of my office building through the back way. I will continue to wait for a nurse to arrive. At 6:30 she will be training me on my new medication and I will be here.
This will be my new life. A life that will be focused, as much as it can be, on health — physical and emotional. Cheers!